Living in Georgia without any friends is a hard thing to come to grips with. Especially when your heart yearns so earnestly to be back where you are familiar with almost everything. I left all of my friends and practically my life to come to a foreign place without anyone. The first month or so I wasn't even worried about making new friends. I knew it would come with time, But tick tock went the months, and still nothing. I didn't want to make just any random friends, but people who have substance and a foundation in the same things I do. Where else to look besides in the church. I joined the choir, singles ministry, volunteer to help out serving at potlucks, and still I am just the new girl named D-something. Believe it or not, church folks aren't as open armed as people might think. Sure, the ushers and deacons know my face and share hugs with me every week. But the people my age already have their cliques and aren't very inviting. It's not an easy thing to just bogard my way into their scene when I'm only an extra in their production. I haven't reached leading role status, and I might be to proud to ask.
So here I am, sitting with my grandmother every week at church, staring at the walls at night because bedtime for most occupants in this house is averaging 9:30pm, and letting my memories or old friends conjur saddness. ........I miss them. Words really can't put into expression what I feel. I don't think sad or lonely would suffice. And all of my old friends are too busy with their lives to remember me. But I know they are busy with school and everything, but exactly what I was afraid of has come to pass. I just feel so out of the loop of life. I think Georgia was a bad idea. I wish I had prayed before I came here, because it might not have been the right choice. Sure it's comfy living in a big house with plenty of food, cable and anything else I could ask for. But if I had to choose between living a not so comfortable life on my own, with friends I love, or having all the luxuries in the world but feeling void of... of... of that which I can't describe. I choose option A.
I need to pray on this because I know he devil can take saddness and turn it into depression, and I don't even want to tip toe down that path. I know I'm never alone, but I still need to find my peace.
Lord, I pray for Your comfort. Amen
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6 comments:
You should just pray and ask God to reveal to you what you need to do, fast and pray. Stop being so insecure about things..you have a great personality that will attract people, think of this as being outside of your comfort zone, your friends will always love you. Be grateful!
I agree, I think sometimes family is more important than friends. Appreciate this time you have with your family, because you only get one.
Sorry to be in the anonymous mood, but since the other two are anonymous. I will be too. Deidre!!!! Girrrrrrrrrrl you better stay in that nice ass house!Or at least wait it out.....think about it
Well, I am very much grateful for this house, and living "the life" under my mother and father. I hope i wasn't giving the impression i was ungrateful. I'm not. And I do appreciate this time with my family, but I would like to finish school where I started. I guess you can't get the full effect of what im feeling because of one rant on a blog. But anonymous 1-3 I do appreciate your advice. And I just might "stick it out". Wherever God leads me, I'm going.
As I said before I been praying for you and will continue to pray. WHY? cause I love you and your my sister and yeah... Tomorrow is the big day :D I start tonight before bed. I hope I have the time to just meditate for an hour about your situation cause I REALLY REEEEAAAALLLYYYY want you back with us. This "letter" you just wrote made me pray even HARDER to have you back but I can't pray to have you back unless it's His will. Actually I SHOULD pray for what I want and God will supply me with what I need. Talk to you soon.
NB I will be ordering my phone tomorrow so send me your number (unlimited texting)
We spoke about this already and you know I'm really feeling you and I'm not saying it to say it. I REALLY understand where you're coming from. The thing is that when you have that relationship with God...that one becomes 2! Like I said, this is something I'm also working on...but nothing works better than prayer.
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