Sleep

Sleep

I fight sleep, and
sleep fights me.

My eye lids at war with
foundations of physics.
And they are losing the battle.

But gravity is no match
for my will to see a sunrise.
Hear a bird sing at dawn.
So I wait on.

But truth be told I
wait not for visions of
grandeur or sounds
of chirped melody.

My bed feels stiff like wood,
and head rests on cinder blocks.
Sheets feel like sand paper
against my skin.

The clock ticks tocks
my conscience into
a frenzied state.

What a web of thoughts
manifest and weave at 4am.
Mistakes haunt, and
decisions taunt.

What I wouldn't give
for a REM of a sweet
dream.

A single moment of peace
Away from the suffocating
imagery of decayed dwelling.

How dare these thoughts
invade my most intimate
place.

Here is MY domain, and MY
escape from the troubles
of the world.
Yet I lay mistaken.

Not even under the armor
of a blanket can I shield
my restless thoughts from
my journeyed past.

An expedition through
treacherous forests, dripping
arrows from gossip's soldiers up above.

Duck and cover turmoils bullets.
Tuck and roll past obstacles
I built on my own. Lay in the
brush while opportunity sneaks
by.

Over-stepped boundaries burn
foot bottoms, like lava rocks.
Coiled and sinking deeper
in the depressed quick sand of
my own failed ambitions.

Here I lay guarded at my post
And this is the actuality that
keeps me awake.
So I fight sleep
while reality fights me.

But eventually, when lid muscles
subside, and yawns increase. I will
drift off,
and let the real dream begin.

-Poetess

To Whom it May Concern...

To Whom It May Concern

To Whom this may concern,
Vague, for I don't know exactly
who I'm addressing.

You keep me guessing.
Speaking in dark corners,
Hidden in shadowed secrecy.

I thought to send this
anonymously. But I don't
cower as you do.

So here I am
Responding accordingly.

I don't appreciate your
fire tongue spitting
lies. Especially with me
on your mind.

Your weapons of mass
deception, fell on
deaf, and listening
ears.

Those who heard felt
better, to transfer info
like a chain letter.
So yet it continues.

So here I am
Responding accordingly.

You and your groupies hunched
in huddles like question marks,
Questioning my character?

Save the smiles for preachers
and teachers. I know your
Plan for slander.

So here I am
Responding accordingly.

To whom ever this concerns,
You can continue your campaign
of concocted distortion.
You are too insignificant
to be my concern.

-Poetess

Cherished Moments

So I'm living in Atl, and slowly learning that you gotta take the good with the bad. If I had my way I wouldn't be here right now, But this is the path God has led me to. I cherish the moments I spend with my family while I can, and I try not to take them for granted. It's the little things that bring families together, and I hold them close to me. A friend of mine was telling me how he doesn't know what he would do if either one of his parents passed away. He might not be able to function the way he used to. That really had me thinking about how short our time could be with the ones we love, and tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. And ironically enough, my mom and dad on Friday had to sit me down and talk to me about both of their wills, and plans if something should happen to them. I jokingly said, "ya'll aren't going anywhere". But I can only keep myself naive for so long.

Even my 86 year old Grandmother is precious to me. My parents lose patience with her because she repeats everything she says three or four times. And she insists on wanting to help everyone with EVERYTHING. She once offered to help bring a computer desk upstairs from the garage. She criticizes, and speaks her mind. And can't help but tell us to dress warm year round, and to stop eating meat, and always reminds us at 2pm to turn on Judge Joe Brown. But beyond that there is something special about this woman. She recites poems from when she was in elementary school, with as much conviction as Shakespeare. She knows the bible like the back of her hand. She never finished high school because of sickness, and she gained her knowledge from reading books while she was on bed rest. She can out spell most college professors, and she is the most generous person I know.

But tonight I knew there was even more to her when she cocked her head back and laughed holding her stomach at Jim Carey acting in the movie Liar Liar. This little Jamaican woman with mammy braids and a blue bathrobe couldn't stop laughing. And the funny thing is she has NO IDEA what's happening in the movie, but the sight of any funny face, or Jim falling to the floor is hilarious to her. I could have muted the TV and she would still be in stitches. So from the woman who always seems to speak ill words of worldly media, she has a soft spot for the shenanigans of Jim Carrey. Who Knew!

Cherished Moments.

So Long...

I know I haven't posted anything new in probably a good month. I hope I still have some readers left, and you all haven't moved to more consistent blogs. My hiatus from the blog scene is because I've decided to actually do something with my life. I was growing tired of sitting at home all day and feeling sorry for myself. Rejection after rejection from job after job, and I could feel my mind slowly mushing into oblivion. But in my moments of immense reflection on where I am in my life, I look at my strides along with its setbacks. I realize that I have overcome more then I give myself credit for. I've been on a crazy journey these last 23 years, and I think its time to share it. I've been talking to a publisher about putting my poetry into book form, but after much reconsideration, I've decided to started my first novel. I don't know if I can call this an autobiography, but there will definitely MANY elements that I will have grabbed from my personal experiences.
I have so much hesitation about it because there will be some elements of my life that I of course want to keep hidden, and I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but I think some people need to be encouraged by a story of triumph in spite of bad choices, insecurities, and struggles with spirituality vs. the rest of the world. It's a young woman's journey to Christ... Better yet, My Journey to Christ.

Our Love...

My feet left earth the first
time he kissed me.
My thoughts disconnected
from my reality.
And the sensation took a
run with mental agility.
I held our love with
an essential frailty
and I tucked it deep
within my hearts cavity.
Oh honey love.
Dripped sweet and thick like
the passion that dances
off of our lips.
Just when I thought love was
a cynics perfect argument.
It put selfish games away
and submitted.
As did we.
We surrendered to a devotion
sealed secure with
the unyielding lock of truth.
To a bonded allegiance guarded
by the army of commitment.
I finally gave my full amour
to a love basking in the endless
sunshine of warm perfection.
And we would stand at the pinnacle
of love's mountaintop
and risk frostbite on snow caps,
Just to reach an altitude
worthy enough to thank
God for this gift.
Adrift on love's raft
unharmed by the waves crash
or misfortune from below.
I hold on to he and he to me.
And we to the Almighty.
And God is why our Love
remains steadfast.
And He is why the burning
sands of life fall
like summer rain.
And we fill each other with
a feeling we won't explain.
because who needs explanation
for blood through veins?
or clouds filled with rain,
Wings on a plane,
Or thoughts to a brain.
He needs me,
Like I need him.
And this
simply put, is
our love.

Poetess

We all struggle

Happy Sabbath everyone!!! God is Good. T.G.I.F. I should be sleeping since its 2:32am but I wanted to share something with you all. I was reading in the bible tonight in Romans and it was talking about struggling with sin. Romans 7:14-25 basically is talking about how we know we shouldn't sin, but we still do it. We fully know the laws of God, yet we break them. When we want to do good, we don't. And when we try not to do wrong, we do it anyways. That is the confusion of a sinner. Constant battle with what we know we should do and what we're doing.


I think one point I'm trying to make is that we ALLLL have something that we are struggling with. And if you don't think you do, then I'm especially talking to you. You see there are two types of sins Closet Sins and Open sins. But EVERYONE STILL STRUGGLES WITH SOMETHING! Paul was a man of Prestige and upper standing and he still struggled. Jesus' Disciples has some major issues they had a hard time with.


But do you know how we react when we find out a sin or struggle of someone elses? When we find out someone elses weakness we naturally give a mmmm hmmm and make it our business to spread the news to whoever will listen. Imagine how different things would be if when someone reveals their transgression, you simply reply with... I feel you. How much of a relief would we be if we knew we weren't in this alone? We could confide in each other without fear, because we knew she/he felt where I was coming from.


But some of us think we have the right to turn our noses up at someone else? We think we're on this pedistal because our sins aren't as bad as someone elses. You might only curse sometimes, or drink on special occasions, Or you might just be spreading other peoples personal business. Well Guess what? When it comes to sin there is no Big, middle, and little. There is no Hierarchy or totem pole. James 2:10 says "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in ONE point, He is guilty of ALL." So believe it or not we're all in the same boat. So before we talk badly about him , or alienate the girl who you heard did this or that with such and such, remember your struggle might not be their struggle, but YOU FEEL THEM STILL because you know what it is to struggle.


* I'm talking to myself in this blog too... Have mercy.

I got this...

So, as the struggles of life continue I do everything I can to avoid my adversary. But still this evil thing has taken away the things I love. It keeps me from enjoying what used to bring me happiness. And everytime I think I can overcome and truimph, and stick to the vows I committed myself to, I fail. I backslide. I give in. That D named enemy is upon me as I type. And its on my mind every second of the day. That opponent that is challenging me is called my DIET! LORD HAVE MERCY!!!! Maybe not everyone can relate to this blog, because ya'll are in pretty good shape. But for those readers who might have a lil too much junk in their trunks, or maybe your stomach is in need of its own zip code. Or perhaps your case is not as extreme, and you just want to be able to wear cordoroys without fear of your thighs catching fire. Whatever your situation, I feel you pain, and possibly a lil bit more (especially in my knees) lol. But seriously ya'll I am on a major diet. Calorie counting, pedometer wearing, fruit chomping, Veggie steaming diet. and its ROUGH! Breaking bad habits is not easy, and when your used to a certain way of life, its hard to do differently. But I had to realize that chips and dip at 2am isn't the best idea. And I shouldn't be sneaking downstairs like a burglar for midnight snacks. I have always been pleasantly plump, ever since I was a baby. I don't even know what it feels like to be a "normal" size for my age. Of my sisters I was the biggest baby, and from then on it was just a way of life for me. I was used to it. And I was comfortable with myself for the most part, But I was tired of being the girl with a pretty face and a body that I couldn't be equally as proud of. While I've embrace my voluptuousness I was beginning to feel awkward in my own skin. Lately, sitting in jeans became uncomfortable, and my baby toe would fall asleep every so often. And I apologize for my boldness, but I'm tired of having to wear under garment body shapers everytime I want to wear a cute dress. It's not about turning heads at this point, (even though I will be able to buy cuter clothes and shoes). It's more about freedom. Freedom from fear of arm chairs, sleeveless shirts and flights of stairs. I just want to be healthy and happy. I'm excited though. I can do this. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So, I will let you guys know my progress and keep you filled in on my journey from *** pounds to something I can really be proud of. ( Ya'll tripping if you thought I was telling you that number. )