Love?

Sometimes, the promises I make to myself come back to bite me later. I promised myself that if the writing bug buzzed I would stop what I was doing, and put it down on paper (or on screen). So that is what I'm doing. Before I get on my soapbox here's a lil bit of my day. My afternoon was perfectly planned. Last night I stayed up all night studying for my economics Exam (capital "E" on exam just to emphasize it's intensity) I saw the sun rise, and heard the ducks flying over head. Needless to say, my eye lids were dying to close by the time I wobbled to the front of the class to hand in my exam. My plan was this... Go home, find a sweet treat to indulge myself in (Vienna fingers), strip down to my bra and panties, put in a movie, and drift into sleepy town before my next class. But instead of a movie I chose Sex and the City Season 4 Disc 1. As usual, while I listened to Ms. Carrie Bradshaw rant about love and relationships I couldn't help but do the same.

This particular episode was about soul mates and questions if there really is "the one" out there for every person. I really don't know how I feel about the idea of one person meant for another. Destined to find each other in this massive world. To tell you the truth, some days I believe it, other days I'm as cynical as a Cathy cartoon. There has been too many times when I had elevated hopes in certain men, and I was left disappointed and unsatisfied. I haven't really written any blogs about love, for fear of sounding like a mad black woman, but cupid has some serious explaining to do.

I've been single for about a year now, and it's not an easy thing. I'm not that kind of person who NEEDS to be with someone at all times, But being in the setting that I am in makes it harder because I'm single and without any type of real male prospects. No more late night phone conversations, no movies, no one to even wink at. The only crop I have to observe is at church, and most of those men have wives, girlfriends, babies, or just AIN'T RIGHT!

But this idea of "the one" got me thinking? I've had a few boyfriends (or guys I've talked to for an extended period of time), and after a break up I have always just written them off as just not the right guy for me. BUT there is one, that I can't seem to get off of my mind. Periodically I can find myself thinking about him when I hear a song, or see a romantic movie. And in a very deep down, far off place, I reserve a hope that he will be the one. That somehow our paths will cross again, and fate will work its magic . I really try not to think about him, but it's something I just can't shake.

Maybe he is to me what Mr. Big was to Carrie. They were lovers, boyfriend and girlfriend, good friends, and enemies. It's a trip how love works. I wish I could just deem him as another bad partner, but there has to be something that is keeping me attached to the thought of "us". Does it mean he's "the one" or am I just hanging on to something that has already come and gone. Like trying to hold onto a wave, or a catch a sweet breeze. I have NO IDEA. I'm just letting the thoughts run out through my fingertips. I guess I'll see how it will play out on life's stage. I just know I'm ready to find my co-star.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Here in the city of Atlanta is where Dr. Martin Luther King spent many years of his life. His home where he grew up is here in Atlanta. The church where MLK pastored , and the segregated public school where MLK graduated from is here in Georgia. There is a lot more history here than I could have imagined. It's a shame that through all my griping and moaning about living here I could experience something so meaningful.

My family and I decided to take a trip to the King Center in downtown Atlanta. I didn't really know what to expect, but the experience was one of the most memorable since I've moved here. As soon as you step onto the property the path up to the King Center is lined with the foot prints of the influential people in the fight for equality: Rosa Parks, Thurgood Marshall, Medgar Evers, Jesse Jackson. Even celebrities like Sidney Poitier, Lena Horne and Stevie Wonder. A statue of Ghandi greets you at the end of the walk way before you enter the building.

Inside is where it got really DEEP. You just feel and aura of reverence come over you, and it seems inappropriate to even sneeze or cough. You are saturated by the unforgettable words of Dr. King, as his speeches are played over the speakers. You don't have a choice but to stop in your tracks and listen. Listen to the intentional deep shake in his voice, to the intonation and pitch. All of those rhetorical tools can be taught in a voice and diction class, but the words are undeniable. Sermons and Speeches like that a pure and straight from the heart. That doesn't come from any classroom. It touches something deep. I don't care who you are. If you stop and listen, you will be effected.

The whole room just permeates with pride. A type of pride that today is shadowed, or exploited by the media. The definition of what being black is, has a totally different meaning from the past to now. Back in MLK's time black people fought for dignity. They would suffer the burning sands of hatred just to be thought of as equal. But today, we don't have the fight in us like they did, so we submit to mediocrity. Don't get me wrong, we can talk the talk, but not many will walk the walk like the black people of old.

Black people in the movement felt they "made it" when they were given access to things that should have already had. A front seat or a new school book to read. Today black people think the "made it" according to their bank rolls. Money doesn't mean anything if your character is out of wack.

That whole MLK center experience just really effected me. It made me want more for myself. Most black people in the past have accomplished a boat load more than I have, and they had access to half as much. I want to have pride in my accomplishments, I want to demolish mediocrity, and execute superficiality. The MLK Center showed me that it's time to step my life up a few (hundred) notches. There are black people who died for me to have a life worth living, and we as a people ( black or white alike) should take advantage of that opportunity, reach our potentials, and live a life of substance.

"When Evil men plot, Good men must plan

When Evil men burn and bomb
good men must build and bind.
When evil men shout ugly words of hatred,
Good men must commit themselves to the glories of love.
When evil men would seek to perpetuate an unjust status quo,
Good men must seek to bring into being a real order of justice."

-Martin Luther King Jr.

A Depiction of one of the marches.

A recreation of a jail cell Dr. King was confined to. Only big enough for a small bench to sit on.

A picture of a lynching in the South. "Southern trees bear a strange fruit"

The wagon that carried Dr. King's casket

Where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr and his wife Coretta Scott King lay to rest.

Winter Wonderland

These pictures are not of some ones house on the Northeast of the United States. And this isn't a picture of someone's house in the Midwest. These two pictures are of the front of my house, and my backyard in GEORGIA!! I was going to blog about the weather earlier this week, when is snowed on Wednesday, but it came and went so quickly that I thought it was just a fluke. But this morning while I was getting ready for church, I looked out the window and forgot where I was.

We're originally from Massachusetts so this weather doesn't faze us one bit, But these Atlanta driver could have swore they were in the midst of a blizzard. Hazard lights flashing, and windshield wipers flapping like there was no tomorrow. While we're in out Envoy SUV cruising by like its just a little rainy day. It's funny how inventive people get when snow is piled on top of your car and you don't have the proper equipment. I saw a women using her umbrella to try and push the heavy snow off of her windshield. Church Bulletins were folded and used as makeshift scrapers. It was kinda funny. But we did help a few people who seemed baffled as to what to do. I think some people we actually considering waiting in the church, until the 'blizzard" passed.

But it was good to see some kids enjoy their first real snow storm. Immediately after church they all made snowballs and had a mini fight in the back of church. I don't know where their parent were though, because I'd be whooping my child if they were rolling around in the snow in their church clothes. When we drove up up to our house, all of the neighborhood kids were laying flat their backs, trying to make snow angels. (Def didn't have enough snow for that, but they don't know any better) lol it was cute.

I really thought I escaped New England-esque weather when I came to GA... clearly I was wrong.

Forecast for next week: Sunny 55 degrees... I don't get it.

Charlotte's Web

Usually on Saturday mornings we never have time to eat breakfast because we're always running late for church. However we had a little extra time last Saturday. My dad and I toasted our usually slices of bread, but my mom decided she wanted to have a bowl of cereal. She had just bought a new cereal called South Beach Diet. SO she opens the tightly sealed plastic bag and slowly tilts the box waiting for her whole grain crunch to tumble into her bowl.

She tilts... hmmm nothing. She tilts a little more.... man what is going on? Finally she tilts the box at an extreme degree, and a huge clump of cereal tries to roll its way out of the box, but is having difficulty. Why you ask? What is holding this cereal captive? Brace yourselves.... SPIDER WEBS!

Yes you heard me correctly. A huge mass of white spider webs has engulfed the contents of this cereal box. I see all of this happening before my eyes and I just want to scream! My mind goes straight to arachnophobia and I am ready to burn the house down and start from scratch. I'm so dramatic I just KNEW our house was infested. But then after I calmed my breathing I say wait a minute, this was a brand new box of cereal. Whatever made a home in this box, came straight from the packaging factory. I just had to walk away because that freaked me out even more.

Needless to say I was disgusted, and very hesitant to buy another box if ANY kind of cereal. But I did yesterday day, but you better believe before I poured anything into my bowl, I took the whole plastic bag out of the box, and did an EXTENSIVE examination of the contents. I ate one little frosted wheat square, and still couldn't bring myself to eat anymore. I don't know If I'll be able to eat cereal again.

Prime Time education

Today I started my first day of classes. I woke up this morning with not so much as a pen to write with or a gum wrapper to take notes on. Needless to say I was not prepared at all. I didn’t have one book, and I really didn’t know when they would be arriving in the mail. At Andrews I was used to having an ID card that I use to purchase my books, like a credit card, but here, you reach deep down into the lint traps of your own pockets and pay. I had to find a cheaper alternative so scoured the internet and found my books at a much cheaper price. Let’s just hope they arrive before the quarter ends.

That’s right… I said Quarter. This college works on the quarter system. It feels like an extended summer school. Each one of my classes is over two hours long and each quarter is only 10 weeks long. I only have 2 classes but they are 5 credits each, so let’s just say it’s a lot of work crammed into a short amount of time.

So my alarm sounds at 9, and I wake up like it’s any other day, and then I remember, OH YEAH, I have class today. After I get showered and dress I don’t even bother on a conquest for some loose leaf paper of a note pad, I just throw my laptop in my bag and call it a day.

I drive into the school parking lot (that’s right I DRIVE) while eating my unsweetened oatmeal chock full o’ raisins and I find building B. Intro to Economics in Room 227 is where 4 hours and 30 minutes of my week will decay for the next 10 weeks. I walk in and see students scattered across the room, like they are scared to sit next to one another. So I follow suit and try to find a seat in my own seclusion. 10:30 hits and a 50 something year old woman enters with papers in her hand and her hair tussled, like she just came from a sky diving lesson.

“I will be your proctor for today. Hopefully we can get everything else straightened out with you actually professor.” She said through nasal speech.

I don’t see anyone else with a laptop, so I’m a little hesitant of setting mine up, But I really don’t have any other choice. So as I’m setting up my things, I see another woman enter and turn on the television. She fiddles with some wires in the back and suddenly the class sees a live stream of video from another classroom at an unknown location. We’re a little confused but we just wait for our teacher so come in.

About 3 minutes pass and we hear a voice boom from the television. “Hello Class! I am Dr. Cali, I will be your instructor for Intro to Economics." I look up at the flat screen television and see an OLD man walk into the room, and give a quick acknowledgment to the camera. WHAT? Are you serious? Is this man really teaching our class via…. TELEVISION?

Yes he is… He teachers two classes simultaneously. One in person, and one through the boob tube. There is a camera set up on the television so he can see us, and we can see him. And microphones, so that he can hear us and we can hear him. GREAT! I have a hard enough time paying attention in class, now I have to try and get an A in a class where I’m staring at a screen and listening to some old man ramble on about the economy.

I should have taken this class online…

Thou Shalt Not Kill...Day 9

I am on the last leg of my fast and it has been an uphill battle. My sisters were here visiting so it is just customary for us to eat good food. I've survived my dad's steaks (for anyone who doesn't know, my dad makes the best steaks), I made it through dinner at the Golden Corral Buffet, Ox tail, Nachos, and I don't even want to even mention the desserts. There were times that I actually had to just leave the kitchen, and lock myself in my bedroom. In these moments of solitude I actually took the time to think about the fast, and ponder why exactly this change in my life is necessary.

In the 10 commandments God set in stone the rules we as his disciple should follow. It covers all of the basics. But nowhere does it say Thou must eat healthy, or Thou must stick to a certain diet. But could it be that when God wrote Thou shalt not kill for the 6th commandment He didn't just mean we shouldn't kill each other, but we should not kill ourselves? Are smokers, drinkers, and drug abuser all breaking God's 6th law every time they consume a substance that has harmful effects on their bodies. Each puff of smoke, and shot of patron is another nail in their coffins. But on the less extreme side of the equation are overweight people who eat on fast food also slowly killing themselves as well. Of course!! It just make sense doesn't it. Addiction can come in all shapes and forms and food addiction is just as harmful. We (I include myself) have to be more aware of the things we put into our mouths, because with every sweet and savory bite we could be potentially stepping closer and closer to an early grave.

This is the foundation of my fast. It's time to make the change, and take the proper steps towards weight loss, and healthy living. It won't be easy, and I don't think God wants to deny me every sweet little indulgences, but all things in moderation. And that's what it is all about to me.

Day 9: -11.2 pounds

Daniel Fast (Day 1)

Daniel 1:8-14 Contemporary English Version

8Daniel made up his mind to eat and drink only what God had approved for his people to eat. And he asked the king's chief official for permission not to eat the food and wine served in the royal palace. 9God had made the official friendly and kind to Daniel. 10But the man still told him, " The king has decided what you must eat and drink. And I am afraid he will kill me, if you eat something else and end up looking worse than the other young men."

11The king's official had put a guard in charge of Daniel and his three friends. So Daniel said to the guard, 12" For the next ten days, let us have only vegetables and water at mealtime. 13When the ten days are up, compare how we look with the other young men, and decide what to do with us." 14The guard agreed to do what Daniel had asked.

I, along with members of my church choir have decided that we will be participating in a Daniel Fast for 10 days. It has already begun today, and ends on the 10th of January. Similar to the text above , we have restricted our diets to the eating of vegetables, with the addition of fruits, whole grains, and Legumes. That means no meat, dairy, bread, fried foods, sugar (or sugar substitute) any products using white flour, etc.

The goal of this fast is to become closer to God by voluntarily denying the demands of my flesh. (something I have struggled with that) I will increase my prayer life during this time, and study the scriptures with a new intensity. I am desperately trying to start off this new year with the right mind set. I not only want my spiritual life to be enhanced but also my physical health. This is a spiritual renewal as well as a temple renovation. These 10 days are just the beginning to a more healthy life. Food has always been a problem for me, and I think it's time I make a change.

I've fasted before but never for such a long period of time. This will truly be a test of my will power, and my faithfulness to the things I have promised God. It has only been one day, and the hunger pangs are a little unbearable. Right now I could go downstairs and eat a whole loaf of bread. Anything! But I'm glad I made it through this first day without smacking my sister in her mouth for making nachos right in front of my face. But it was a test I passed, and God knows I would usually delay the fast until tomorrow and grab a plate. But the journey to maturity must continue.