Why Did She Cross the Road??

The door was cracked, just enough to create hope.
Now was her chance for freedom.
With her owner on his way into town
the window of opportunity was widening
with each mile driven away from the farm house.
She slowing opened the door
being startled by the creaking noise.
She jumped back, twisting her head in every
direction hoping no one heard.
It was now or never.
She lept from the porch and
ran low through the corn field
like an army assasin.
Flashing thoughts of the abuse she was leaving
behind clouded her mind.
She and her sisters subjected to
constant sexual episodes with that one male.
Never able to think about birthing her own
because her purpose was not to procreate,
but to serve her owner.
The Journey long and arduous,
pecking quickly at the small grains she
found along the way.
But persisting like a convict headed for water.
And then there she saw it. The Road.
Highway buzzing, and cars whizzing
How could anyone make it?
With a glance behind, searching for the dogs
she raised her beak to the sky and
cluck clucked her way across
Hoping God could hear the cry of a scared
chicken crossing the road.

I'm taking the final plunge...

For a while I have battled with my relationship with God. He and I have always had a weird up and down relationship, where I would be on fire for him on one weekend, and then fall right back into my usualy mess the next. (And when I say MESS i mean just that) my relationship with him was non existent and i was so caught up in the world and my friends that I forgot all about him. As some of you might know, I left Berrien Springs, MI where i was a student and soon to be graduate at Andrews university. I was almost at the finish line and just couldn't finish. I noticed a change in me, that i didn't like. I turned into a person i didn't want to be. and did not like. (And i feel i can be totally honest with you all because its a person i no longer am. I am a new creature in Christ and my past is just that...my past.) There would be sometimes where i would withhold my tithe and offering because i was using it to buy things like liquor for me and my friends, or going to parties where i knew i was going to end up groaped and man handled. i forgot that my Body is a temple and holy in the eyes of God. I didn't know what it was to pray, or have personal worship. I was NOT who my mother and father raised. And all of that just led to me messing up in school. Staying up late doing nothing, being completely unproductive. Something told me, i had to get out before i lost everything. Everyone said, why are you leaving? Why go? Your almost finished. But something deeply embedded in my heart said, You have to leave before you lose your soul. I was tired of crying, and saddness, and sick of being influenced by everyone else. I was weak and had trouble saying no, and that drained me of true love. Not love for a man, or a friend, But true love for myself.
I left and moved to Atlanta, where i am living with my mom and dad. I have been looking for a job and trying to apply to schools, but nothing is really happening in my favor. Living a life of monotony, just trying to get through the day without becoming unhinged. One sabbath I went to a revelation seminar at my church, and that was the beginning of a brand new life. Four days a week i sit and listen about the promises of God, and how much he loves us. And this time i knew it wasn't just an emotional high, but i was passed crying in my pew and feeling sorry for myself, i was learning! I reached a point of enlightenment that didn't make me feel sorry for myself, but comforted me, because i knew i still had a chance to live the life i was meant to. I reached the point where i was ready to give my life to God, and for real this time. Not for anyone else, but Him. So this past Saturday, the appeal was made, and i stood and walked to the front. I'm getting rebaptized this weekend on August 4, 2007. And im finally excited because i finally have my life back.
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17

"I wish that there were some wonderful place,
Called the Land of Beginning Again,
Where all my mistakes and all my heartaches,
And all my poor selfish grief,
Could be dropped like a shabby old coat at the door
and never put on again"

-Unknown-

Where do i go from here?

Aiight...So in my last entry I was briefly discussing my dreams of becoming an actress... I know many of you questioned it (as i did). I'm not trying to be the next Mo'Nique but it is something i have a desire to pursue IN ADDITION to having my career. I am fully aware, that it's hard enough to be a Seventh Day Adventist in the entertainment industry, because of all the stipulations i will not negotiate. I will not work on my Sabbath. I'm not going to curse, or degrade myself. So with that being said, i think my best bet is to stick to theatre. I'm even thinking about gospel plays, but still im sure there will be a bumping of heads. Well i leave that in God's hands.
But as i mull over career options i am stuck at a stand still not knowing what to do. And then God showed me a bit of clarity. I already know working a dead end job with a boss and punch card is not going to work for me. The arts are really important to me, and i think everyone should have an opportunity to be exposed to them, especially at a young age. I wish my parents had enrolled me in art classes, music, or instruments, creative writing, sign language... everything! So i realize.. I want to open my own after school program for kids of all ages. I want them to have a place where they can take classes in all elements of the arts. Music, acting, sign language, instruments, voice lessons THE WORKS! i just experience a great feeling of determination. My cousin started a similar academy for kids, and i want to take my cue from her. I'm going to do this. OOOOOH BABY! Mama D finally has a plan! HALLELUJAH! aiight! i'll holla everyone!

“You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction.” -George Lorimer

Waking up with Jesus

Early dawn, and I rose
The coal in my eye was insequential,
and my morning breath easily removable.
Bypassed a slow roll
one leg leaped from my sheets
The other repeats.
And as soon as i am erect, i then fold to my knees to
speak to the almighty.
Jesus Christ, ruler of my life, thank you for your
mercy through the night.
Opened my eyes to a new day, and new daylight.
Because through thee is the only way i might be.
Everyday i'm reborn into your love.
You kiss my forehead goodnight
only to wake me just as gently,
like a hibiscus on my pillowcase.
This day is mine to live, but yours to navigate
My Lord so great, don't allow me to hate
even to those who don't reciprocate.
Love thy neighbor as thyself.
Send your angels to protect and keep watch
from my head top to my foot arch.
I love you and will keep your laws
Because I know the awesome God you are.
Amen.

The day tick tocks getting sweeter every step
Nothing can bring me down my pep
oblivious to the sounds of the city.
My sashay on the pavement is untamed,
and unmistakably giddy.
I can boogie to my own party
Just me and my maker.
Look as you please, and gawk if need be.
But the reason i smile and sway so joyfully my limbs
is because everyday is better when started with him.
Send me rain and a sky so black
But is still a blessing to quench the thirst
the grass blades may lack.
Hurricanes? no money?
backstabbed? never lucky?
lost job? on ya back, that monkey
and he's beating you down and still hungry.
But God rules this behive and supplies all the honey
Behive meaning earth and honey his blessing
He gives us unmerited favor so why keep stressing?
Every cloud is somehow lined with a portion of silver
Just begin your day with Jesus and become a believer.


Poetess

Dreams..

Dreams are only as big as your dare to dream them... Keep your dreams small, and and they will hover just above the dust with no hope of reaching the sky. Sure you might reach them, but did you really have to stretch that far? I used to do that. I was an assasin to my potenial because i was scared I would fail. And in the end i still felt like a failure, because i didn' accomplish anything i could be proud of. Growing up I was always comparing myself to my sisters. First of all their names begin with L, and mine starts with a D. So from jump I built up the stigma that i was automatically going to be different. I thought my parents always expected me to be inferior. Never even bothered to sign me up for a piano or dance lesson. So i figured, they never saw anything in me, so why should I? But that was only childhood sibling rivalry these things pass don't they? Not all the time.
We grew up, matured, gained reponsibility, and our dreams changed from pop star to doctor and from Gymnist to Biologist. But me, i said DOCTOR...HA! who me? yeah right... So my life long dreams capped off at being a Las Vegas poker/blackjack dealer or maybe the official shot clock operator at NBA games. Dumb jobs that no one at a private university should ever even "dream" of working. My sister is in Med school my other sister does research at Umass medical... Do you know what that means? They know the human body inside and out. They know how it operates, and how everything is connected, and can probably slice it up and put it back together without a problem. Me... I write poems, and stories, im pretty creative. I sing, act, and do sign language...so what! But here is how my sisters were(past tense) different from me. They choose their dreams according to their passions. I chose my dreams according to ease in attainability. But why shouldn't my passions be my dreams? My talents are singing, writing, acting, sign language, and performance. So who's gonna stop me from performing my talents? No one on this earth can stop me, but me. But if God sees fit, i should use my talents to the best of my abilities. Please don't get it twisted, I will finish school and get my degree, because i believe education is important, but i will not be stuck at a job doing something i don't have a passion for. Point Blank.
"When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality" - Dom Camara
My dream writing a best selling novel, while pursuing acting. Seem like a long shot? Well with dreams you gotta have something to stretch for. Right?

"No one should negotiate their dreams. Dreams must be free to flee and fly high. No government, no legislature, has a right to limit your dreams. You should never agree to surrender your dreams."- Jesse Jackson

Dream on...

What to expect....

Hello all of my blog readers out there. This will be my first official blog on this site. This entry is not a "knock your socks off" kinda entry, its just a quick heads up for what to expect. I am an aspiring writer, who displays her passions through poetry and prose. I hope to use this blog as a platform to battle my reality and imagination, and let creativity meet actuality. I have lots of questions that i need help answering so your input and comments would be greatly appreciated. One day it might be a journal entry, another if might be a poem, could be random questions, who really know. It all depends on where my inspiration comes from. But its like 3:00 and i'm bout to be knocked out... I'll give you something to read tomorrow. But right now my eye lids feel like cinder blocks. I'll Holla at you beautiful people lata.

Poetess